Not Just Any Chicken - FRIED Chicken

On the Inner Lives of Middle School Boys

Middle school boys inhabit a strange universe in which they are aware of girls, and somewhat interested in them. But they harbor many of the natural suspicions of their younger selves, still vaguely suspicious that girls may yet be infested with a few lingering “cooties”. I think we can confidently say that middle school boys lack essential intuitions regarding the nature of male/female relationships.

Middle school girls are not averse to pursuing a boy they have set their sights on, and one of my own sons was the recipient of the attentions of one such classmate at school. My son was not that interested in attracting this young lady’s interest, but she continued to press him on being willing to “go with her”. If you know, you know.

When my son’s lack of enthusiasm for her finally sank in, and it was clear he was never going to agree to “go with her”, she announced that his unwillingness could only be because “he was afraid to make a commitment.” I found this response hilarious, because it reflected such a complete lack of understanding of the inner lives of the very middle school boys she was so attracted to. Boys that age aren’t “afraid to make a commitment”. Such commitments have never even crossed their minds. They don’t know that such commitments even exist. Their bodies are growing so fast that the only commitment which ever crosses their minds is a commitment to fill their stomachs with as much food as they can get their hands on.

I have loved the picture at the top of this post for forever, because I think it so perfectly captures the essential disconnect between the mindset of middle school boys and the girls who are trying to love them. I found the picture on the Internet years ago, where it had allegedly been posted by a teacher who had picked it up off the floor of her classroom. I do have some compassion for these unfortunate girls. They are envisioning their relationships in a way that has never once crossed the mind of their clueless Prince Charming.

I posted a version of these comments as a Substack Note, and it elicited this perfect response from Jamie Ube.

I laughed out loud at your post. When my son was in 6th grade, one of those aspiring lovers set her eyes on him, deciding “they were made for each other” and professing future adoration. He was totally bewildered by her claims, but I noticed a bit of a strut in his stride. One particular note included the phrase “I don’t want to die a virgin.” He didn’t even have a clue what that meant. So he asked me. “Um, Ben, that’s referring to activities that old people do. You don’t have to worry about that for many years. But if she’s making you feel uncomfortable, just tell her to stop.” Obviously, he handled it efficiently, because his demeanor changed for the better.

Years later we were repairing a section of our deck and I discovered a ziplock bag full of notes and cards--her professions preserved and hidden. I asked him “Whatever happened to Victoria?” He looked puzzled and then suddenly laughed, “She got married and has two kids. I forgot all about her! Why do you ask!?” I showed him the ziplock treasures and we started laughing and then my 32-year-old son said, “Well, obviously she didn’t die a virgin!” Precious and poignant memories of childhood!

“He was totally bewildered by her claims, but I noticed a bit of a strut in his stride.”

That one sentence captures all of this perfectly.